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A baseball card blog for the hopelessly addicted wax pack opener...
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Friday, January 16, 2009
This is what happens when the Dimwit has too much time on his hands.... sorry Kev and Ken....
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Thursday, January 15, 2009
Warning - Political Commentary To Follow...
So the Dimwit generally, as a rule, stays away from such topics as politics, abortion, gay rights and ridiculous news stories that drive him bonkers. However, there is a current political news article on MSNBC.com that is driving him bonkers and he really feels the need to discuss it in an open forum where he can delete the comments of any detractors.
Here's the story.
Let that sink in for a moment.
Ok, let us discuss. First of all, the beloved ESPN has really become a thorn in the Dimwit's side as of late. It has become a media monster which really does more to CREATE news out of nothing rather than do any real reporting. Between the "Boo-ya's" and the "Ed Warder reports some ridiculous crap from Cowboy's camp..." they rarely throw in actual news from the sports world. Those that know the Dimwit well would be shocked to find out that he no longer watches SportsCenter in the mornings. He just can't stand it anymore, very sad.
The Dimwit is fully aware that this is a "historic" election/inauguration, but it is his firm belief that it has absoultely NOTHING to do with sports. Really, there are going to be approximately 752 trillion TV stations with cameras at this thing. Does this country really need Jeremy Schaap doing sideline reporting during this? Sorry ESPN, this is a bad move. It is another over-estimation of your own worth to society.
The sad part is that there are people who will switch over to ESPN to watch it there, simply because it's on ESPN. As for the Dimwit, he'll be at work faithfully punching out another blog on Tuesday, unaware and not really caring about what is going on in Washington D.C. or at the Bristol studios of ESPN.
If only we could now sacrifice ESPN on the alter of gay rights and abortion, this blog would be complete.
If this blog pisses you off, get over it and come back tomorrow for great linkage! OMG, the funniest Star Wars related video ever made... hahahaahaha...
Here's the story.
Let that sink in for a moment.
Ok, let us discuss. First of all, the beloved ESPN has really become a thorn in the Dimwit's side as of late. It has become a media monster which really does more to CREATE news out of nothing rather than do any real reporting. Between the "Boo-ya's" and the "Ed Warder reports some ridiculous crap from Cowboy's camp..." they rarely throw in actual news from the sports world. Those that know the Dimwit well would be shocked to find out that he no longer watches SportsCenter in the mornings. He just can't stand it anymore, very sad.
The Dimwit is fully aware that this is a "historic" election/inauguration, but it is his firm belief that it has absoultely NOTHING to do with sports. Really, there are going to be approximately 752 trillion TV stations with cameras at this thing. Does this country really need Jeremy Schaap doing sideline reporting during this? Sorry ESPN, this is a bad move. It is another over-estimation of your own worth to society.
The sad part is that there are people who will switch over to ESPN to watch it there, simply because it's on ESPN. As for the Dimwit, he'll be at work faithfully punching out another blog on Tuesday, unaware and not really caring about what is going on in Washington D.C. or at the Bristol studios of ESPN.
If only we could now sacrifice ESPN on the alter of gay rights and abortion, this blog would be complete.
If this blog pisses you off, get over it and come back tomorrow for great linkage! OMG, the funniest Star Wars related video ever made... hahahaahaha...
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Special Bonus Blog
Ok, the Dimwit thought this video was amazing, and since he can't access YouTube at work, he wanted to get this on the blog tonight... here you go:
Wednesday... The Day The Dimwit Does What Has Never Been Done
Oh yes, that's right, the Dimwit has a marvelous idea. There is a theme to today's blog, and it is bacon. Oh, he knows what you're thinking... how is this marvelous and why is this being made such a big deal??? Well, he'll tell you why... because it's bacon DAMNIT! And bacon is the most glorious meat. Don't deny it, because you will be struck down. Without further ado...
1) The all encompassing flow chart of bacon. (Thanks Kev) Ladies, keep this handy, and you'll genereally know what a guy is thinking during those long pauses where he's completely silent, yet you can tell he's thinking about something and you ask the most mind numbing question in the history of man: "What are you thinking?"
2) Got a bo-bo? Perfect solution.
3) What guy wouldn't be cool carrying this around?
4) Or wearing this on a hot date? (What kills the Dimwit about this is that it's actually bacon-scented as well!!!!! AWESOME!!!!)
5) This answers the oldest dilema known to man... how does one make flossing fun?
6) Keep a bag in your pocket at all times, you never know when you might need a snack.
7) Need fresh breath on the go? Try these!
8) Perfect for a special occassion.
9) Buy the Dimwit anything from the above collection of links and you can get this to wrap it in!
10) And finally, just in case you wanted to read up on the collective interweb's knowledge of bacon!
The Dimwit's good friend Homer Simpson once had a great conversation with his daughter Lisa regarding pork products:
1) The all encompassing flow chart of bacon. (Thanks Kev) Ladies, keep this handy, and you'll genereally know what a guy is thinking during those long pauses where he's completely silent, yet you can tell he's thinking about something and you ask the most mind numbing question in the history of man: "What are you thinking?"
2) Got a bo-bo? Perfect solution.
3) What guy wouldn't be cool carrying this around?
4) Or wearing this on a hot date? (What kills the Dimwit about this is that it's actually bacon-scented as well!!!!! AWESOME!!!!)
5) This answers the oldest dilema known to man... how does one make flossing fun?
6) Keep a bag in your pocket at all times, you never know when you might need a snack.
7) Need fresh breath on the go? Try these!
8) Perfect for a special occassion.
9) Buy the Dimwit anything from the above collection of links and you can get this to wrap it in!
10) And finally, just in case you wanted to read up on the collective interweb's knowledge of bacon!
The Dimwit's good friend Homer Simpson once had a great conversation with his daughter Lisa regarding pork products:
Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What
about
bacon?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal.
Homer: Heh heh heh. Ooh,
yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.
Well, there you have it folks. The Dimwit's tribute to a wonderful, magical animal.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Saturday Night In Review
The Dimwit is such a slacker. Can't even punch out a blog a day. He needs to be slapped around a bit, although we are all a little fearful it wouldn't be punishment to him. Anyways, he promised Lady J a story since she is alone in Australia and can't find Hugh Jackman or Nicole.
So here it goes... The Dimwit was sitting around his house Saturday night watching football, when his roommate James asked if he wanted to go bar-hoping in Rice Village with some buddies of his. With nothing else to do, The Dimwit agreed. We'll fast forward to the end of the evening, as really nothing other than drinking and debauchery occurred between this point and the really fun part of the evening.
At 2am, we were asked to leave Baker Street Pub and as we ambled through the parking lot, James notices a purse sitting on the curb. A drunk fellow exclaims "Some chick left it when she got in a cab." James picks up the purse, and being the good samaritans that we are, start rummaging through it. We'll go through the entire contents of the purse later, but as for now The Dimwit grabbed the phone and, for lack of a better term, started Drunk Dialing. (The Dimwit was a little intoxicated.) After a call to this poor girl's mother, left a voicemail, it was decided that the best plan of action would be to look at the text messages and see who her real friends were. Thus Chris was found. After leaving another fun voicemail, we decided that we probably wouldn't hear from her until morning. Packing up in James' Jeep, we headed back to the Dimwit Domicile. James' friend Cory was in the back seat with the purse, inspecting the contents:
1) Make-up Compact
2) Texas Driver's License - The Dimwit will admit now, she was a looker!
3) Credit Card - Oh we contemplated a shopping spree, but really what is open at 3am that The Dimwit would want to buy? Let's not answer that question...
4) More make-up crap, some kind of clamp type thing that is used on the eyes... women and their make up crap, The Dimwit thinks this thing looks like some kind of torture device... get one near him and there will be violence... anyways, back to the list...
5) A bag of WEED! Yep, that's right folks, weed. At this point, the drunk Dimwit freaks a little... "Dude, possession is a felony or something..." James retorts: "Relax, it's only a misdemeanor, I think..." Cory wisely takes the baggie of weed and deposits it in his pocket. "Hey I don't smoke it but maybe I can make a few bucks.," Cory says.
At this point there are a couple of scenarios going through my mind:
1) Getting pulled over by the cops and all three of us getting busted for misdemeanor possession.
2) Actually returning the purse to some drug-addict junkie who is packin' heat, finds that her precious baggie of weed is missing, then ending up a bloody corpse, another victim of the mean streets of Houston.
Her phone rings. In a panicked voice the Dimwit answers. On the other end is the most sad, girly voice. She explains that her car was towed and that to get it back she needs her purse, ID and credit card. Thankfully she doesn't need the weed, at least at this point. After dropping off Cory and the weed at his car, James and the Dimwit agree to meet this girl at a VERY public place, the 59 Diner.
When their cab pulls up, the Dimwit stays in the building. More witnesses = less death. There are 4 people total, two couples. The purse girl, Jessica, runs in the doorway... the Dimwit fears for his safety. She unexpectedly and literally jumps and gets the Dimwit with a full bear hug. The Dimwit waits for the feel of a knife or other deadly object. Nothing. At this point, the Dimwit realizes she is REALLY drunk. She starts thanking the Dimwit profusely, relaxes the bear hug of death a bit, then looks the Dimwit right in the eyes, leans in and plants a big kiss, right on the lips. The Dimwit still doesn't really know how to react and before he can say anything, she says "If my boyfriend wasn't here, I'd TOTALLY make out with you right now. You are SO awesome!" The Dimwit's response: "Well, here's your purse." The other couple and the boyfriend come on in after paying the cabbie, and Purse girl then gives James a big hug (but no kiss, HAHA) and repeats her threat/promise that she'd make out with him as well if only her boyfriend wasn't present. Needless to say, he wasn't happy to hear this sentiment. He tried to give James $20 as a "thanks" for all our trouble. But James and the Dimwit refused payment, mainly out of guilt that Cory stole the weed. Their little party then awaited a friend to pick them up, whilst James and the Dimwit got a table and ate some well deserved breakfast at 4am.
That was Saturday night/Sunday morning for the Dimwit. Jessica, if you're out there reading this blog, the Dimwit apologizes profusely but also is adamant that CORY has your baggie and in no way did the Dimwit condone such thievery. The Dimwit tried very hard to get Cory to place the baggie back in the purse and just forget it was there. But then again, a lost baggie of weed is a small price to pay compared to what we COULD have done with your credit card... lesson to be learned: Don't leave your purse on the curb, you never know what might happen to your weed.
So here it goes... The Dimwit was sitting around his house Saturday night watching football, when his roommate James asked if he wanted to go bar-hoping in Rice Village with some buddies of his. With nothing else to do, The Dimwit agreed. We'll fast forward to the end of the evening, as really nothing other than drinking and debauchery occurred between this point and the really fun part of the evening.
At 2am, we were asked to leave Baker Street Pub and as we ambled through the parking lot, James notices a purse sitting on the curb. A drunk fellow exclaims "Some chick left it when she got in a cab." James picks up the purse, and being the good samaritans that we are, start rummaging through it. We'll go through the entire contents of the purse later, but as for now The Dimwit grabbed the phone and, for lack of a better term, started Drunk Dialing. (The Dimwit was a little intoxicated.) After a call to this poor girl's mother, left a voicemail, it was decided that the best plan of action would be to look at the text messages and see who her real friends were. Thus Chris was found. After leaving another fun voicemail, we decided that we probably wouldn't hear from her until morning. Packing up in James' Jeep, we headed back to the Dimwit Domicile. James' friend Cory was in the back seat with the purse, inspecting the contents:
1) Make-up Compact
2) Texas Driver's License - The Dimwit will admit now, she was a looker!
3) Credit Card - Oh we contemplated a shopping spree, but really what is open at 3am that The Dimwit would want to buy? Let's not answer that question...
4) More make-up crap, some kind of clamp type thing that is used on the eyes... women and their make up crap, The Dimwit thinks this thing looks like some kind of torture device... get one near him and there will be violence... anyways, back to the list...
5) A bag of WEED! Yep, that's right folks, weed. At this point, the drunk Dimwit freaks a little... "Dude, possession is a felony or something..." James retorts: "Relax, it's only a misdemeanor, I think..." Cory wisely takes the baggie of weed and deposits it in his pocket. "Hey I don't smoke it but maybe I can make a few bucks.," Cory says.
At this point there are a couple of scenarios going through my mind:
1) Getting pulled over by the cops and all three of us getting busted for misdemeanor possession.
2) Actually returning the purse to some drug-addict junkie who is packin' heat, finds that her precious baggie of weed is missing, then ending up a bloody corpse, another victim of the mean streets of Houston.
Her phone rings. In a panicked voice the Dimwit answers. On the other end is the most sad, girly voice. She explains that her car was towed and that to get it back she needs her purse, ID and credit card. Thankfully she doesn't need the weed, at least at this point. After dropping off Cory and the weed at his car, James and the Dimwit agree to meet this girl at a VERY public place, the 59 Diner.
When their cab pulls up, the Dimwit stays in the building. More witnesses = less death. There are 4 people total, two couples. The purse girl, Jessica, runs in the doorway... the Dimwit fears for his safety. She unexpectedly and literally jumps and gets the Dimwit with a full bear hug. The Dimwit waits for the feel of a knife or other deadly object. Nothing. At this point, the Dimwit realizes she is REALLY drunk. She starts thanking the Dimwit profusely, relaxes the bear hug of death a bit, then looks the Dimwit right in the eyes, leans in and plants a big kiss, right on the lips. The Dimwit still doesn't really know how to react and before he can say anything, she says "If my boyfriend wasn't here, I'd TOTALLY make out with you right now. You are SO awesome!" The Dimwit's response: "Well, here's your purse." The other couple and the boyfriend come on in after paying the cabbie, and Purse girl then gives James a big hug (but no kiss, HAHA) and repeats her threat/promise that she'd make out with him as well if only her boyfriend wasn't present. Needless to say, he wasn't happy to hear this sentiment. He tried to give James $20 as a "thanks" for all our trouble. But James and the Dimwit refused payment, mainly out of guilt that Cory stole the weed. Their little party then awaited a friend to pick them up, whilst James and the Dimwit got a table and ate some well deserved breakfast at 4am.
That was Saturday night/Sunday morning for the Dimwit. Jessica, if you're out there reading this blog, the Dimwit apologizes profusely but also is adamant that CORY has your baggie and in no way did the Dimwit condone such thievery. The Dimwit tried very hard to get Cory to place the baggie back in the purse and just forget it was there. But then again, a lost baggie of weed is a small price to pay compared to what we COULD have done with your credit card... lesson to be learned: Don't leave your purse on the curb, you never know what might happen to your weed.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Thursday makes Wednesday look like a little b*tch...
The Dimwit couldn't be more unexcited about today. It's Thursday, reminding you that you still have another day to work, and that you've already poured three days worth of your soul into a job that you hate. The Dimwit wonders why humanity has put itself in this position. Capitalism? Imperialism? Antidisestablishmentarianism? Is our economic practice of choice leading us to become mindless drones, sitting at desks inside cubicles with no personality or individualism? Oh wait, didn't they used to call that communism? Bah, enough of political/socio-economic hogwash. Same shit, different century. Sure they didn't have cubicles and computers, but they had mindless jobs and stupid bosses. Some things never change...
Before the The Dimwit has an aneurysm... we'll move on to some sort of linkage... He promises nothing, his brain is running on fumes...
1) The Dimwit would get absolutely no work done if he had this on his desk at work.
2) He could say the same thing for these.
3) These are some pretty sweet watches.
4) One of the best SNL Shorts of all time.
5) The Dimwit has always avoided Scranton, PA. Now he knows why...
Have a good day... The Dimwit is going to go to sleep on his keyboard now....
Before the The Dimwit has an aneurysm... we'll move on to some sort of linkage... He promises nothing, his brain is running on fumes...
1) The Dimwit would get absolutely no work done if he had this on his desk at work.
2) He could say the same thing for these.
3) These are some pretty sweet watches.
4) One of the best SNL Shorts of all time.
5) The Dimwit has always avoided Scranton, PA. Now he knows why...
Have a good day... The Dimwit is going to go to sleep on his keyboard now....
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