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Friday, January 16, 2009
This is what happens when the Dimwit has too much time on his hands.... sorry Kev and Ken....
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Thursday, January 15, 2009
Warning - Political Commentary To Follow...
So the Dimwit generally, as a rule, stays away from such topics as politics, abortion, gay rights and ridiculous news stories that drive him bonkers. However, there is a current political news article on MSNBC.com that is driving him bonkers and he really feels the need to discuss it in an open forum where he can delete the comments of any detractors.
Here's the story.
Let that sink in for a moment.
Ok, let us discuss. First of all, the beloved ESPN has really become a thorn in the Dimwit's side as of late. It has become a media monster which really does more to CREATE news out of nothing rather than do any real reporting. Between the "Boo-ya's" and the "Ed Warder reports some ridiculous crap from Cowboy's camp..." they rarely throw in actual news from the sports world. Those that know the Dimwit well would be shocked to find out that he no longer watches SportsCenter in the mornings. He just can't stand it anymore, very sad.
The Dimwit is fully aware that this is a "historic" election/inauguration, but it is his firm belief that it has absoultely NOTHING to do with sports. Really, there are going to be approximately 752 trillion TV stations with cameras at this thing. Does this country really need Jeremy Schaap doing sideline reporting during this? Sorry ESPN, this is a bad move. It is another over-estimation of your own worth to society.
The sad part is that there are people who will switch over to ESPN to watch it there, simply because it's on ESPN. As for the Dimwit, he'll be at work faithfully punching out another blog on Tuesday, unaware and not really caring about what is going on in Washington D.C. or at the Bristol studios of ESPN.
If only we could now sacrifice ESPN on the alter of gay rights and abortion, this blog would be complete.
If this blog pisses you off, get over it and come back tomorrow for great linkage! OMG, the funniest Star Wars related video ever made... hahahaahaha...
Here's the story.
Let that sink in for a moment.
Ok, let us discuss. First of all, the beloved ESPN has really become a thorn in the Dimwit's side as of late. It has become a media monster which really does more to CREATE news out of nothing rather than do any real reporting. Between the "Boo-ya's" and the "Ed Warder reports some ridiculous crap from Cowboy's camp..." they rarely throw in actual news from the sports world. Those that know the Dimwit well would be shocked to find out that he no longer watches SportsCenter in the mornings. He just can't stand it anymore, very sad.
The Dimwit is fully aware that this is a "historic" election/inauguration, but it is his firm belief that it has absoultely NOTHING to do with sports. Really, there are going to be approximately 752 trillion TV stations with cameras at this thing. Does this country really need Jeremy Schaap doing sideline reporting during this? Sorry ESPN, this is a bad move. It is another over-estimation of your own worth to society.
The sad part is that there are people who will switch over to ESPN to watch it there, simply because it's on ESPN. As for the Dimwit, he'll be at work faithfully punching out another blog on Tuesday, unaware and not really caring about what is going on in Washington D.C. or at the Bristol studios of ESPN.
If only we could now sacrifice ESPN on the alter of gay rights and abortion, this blog would be complete.
If this blog pisses you off, get over it and come back tomorrow for great linkage! OMG, the funniest Star Wars related video ever made... hahahaahaha...
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Special Bonus Blog
Ok, the Dimwit thought this video was amazing, and since he can't access YouTube at work, he wanted to get this on the blog tonight... here you go:
Wednesday... The Day The Dimwit Does What Has Never Been Done
Oh yes, that's right, the Dimwit has a marvelous idea. There is a theme to today's blog, and it is bacon. Oh, he knows what you're thinking... how is this marvelous and why is this being made such a big deal??? Well, he'll tell you why... because it's bacon DAMNIT! And bacon is the most glorious meat. Don't deny it, because you will be struck down. Without further ado...
1) The all encompassing flow chart of bacon. (Thanks Kev) Ladies, keep this handy, and you'll genereally know what a guy is thinking during those long pauses where he's completely silent, yet you can tell he's thinking about something and you ask the most mind numbing question in the history of man: "What are you thinking?"
2) Got a bo-bo? Perfect solution.
3) What guy wouldn't be cool carrying this around?
4) Or wearing this on a hot date? (What kills the Dimwit about this is that it's actually bacon-scented as well!!!!! AWESOME!!!!)
5) This answers the oldest dilema known to man... how does one make flossing fun?
6) Keep a bag in your pocket at all times, you never know when you might need a snack.
7) Need fresh breath on the go? Try these!
8) Perfect for a special occassion.
9) Buy the Dimwit anything from the above collection of links and you can get this to wrap it in!
10) And finally, just in case you wanted to read up on the collective interweb's knowledge of bacon!
The Dimwit's good friend Homer Simpson once had a great conversation with his daughter Lisa regarding pork products:
1) The all encompassing flow chart of bacon. (Thanks Kev) Ladies, keep this handy, and you'll genereally know what a guy is thinking during those long pauses where he's completely silent, yet you can tell he's thinking about something and you ask the most mind numbing question in the history of man: "What are you thinking?"
2) Got a bo-bo? Perfect solution.
3) What guy wouldn't be cool carrying this around?
4) Or wearing this on a hot date? (What kills the Dimwit about this is that it's actually bacon-scented as well!!!!! AWESOME!!!!)
5) This answers the oldest dilema known to man... how does one make flossing fun?
6) Keep a bag in your pocket at all times, you never know when you might need a snack.
7) Need fresh breath on the go? Try these!
8) Perfect for a special occassion.
9) Buy the Dimwit anything from the above collection of links and you can get this to wrap it in!
10) And finally, just in case you wanted to read up on the collective interweb's knowledge of bacon!
The Dimwit's good friend Homer Simpson once had a great conversation with his daughter Lisa regarding pork products:
Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What
about
bacon?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal.
Homer: Heh heh heh. Ooh,
yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.
Well, there you have it folks. The Dimwit's tribute to a wonderful, magical animal.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Saturday Night In Review
The Dimwit is such a slacker. Can't even punch out a blog a day. He needs to be slapped around a bit, although we are all a little fearful it wouldn't be punishment to him. Anyways, he promised Lady J a story since she is alone in Australia and can't find Hugh Jackman or Nicole.
So here it goes... The Dimwit was sitting around his house Saturday night watching football, when his roommate James asked if he wanted to go bar-hoping in Rice Village with some buddies of his. With nothing else to do, The Dimwit agreed. We'll fast forward to the end of the evening, as really nothing other than drinking and debauchery occurred between this point and the really fun part of the evening.
At 2am, we were asked to leave Baker Street Pub and as we ambled through the parking lot, James notices a purse sitting on the curb. A drunk fellow exclaims "Some chick left it when she got in a cab." James picks up the purse, and being the good samaritans that we are, start rummaging through it. We'll go through the entire contents of the purse later, but as for now The Dimwit grabbed the phone and, for lack of a better term, started Drunk Dialing. (The Dimwit was a little intoxicated.) After a call to this poor girl's mother, left a voicemail, it was decided that the best plan of action would be to look at the text messages and see who her real friends were. Thus Chris was found. After leaving another fun voicemail, we decided that we probably wouldn't hear from her until morning. Packing up in James' Jeep, we headed back to the Dimwit Domicile. James' friend Cory was in the back seat with the purse, inspecting the contents:
1) Make-up Compact
2) Texas Driver's License - The Dimwit will admit now, she was a looker!
3) Credit Card - Oh we contemplated a shopping spree, but really what is open at 3am that The Dimwit would want to buy? Let's not answer that question...
4) More make-up crap, some kind of clamp type thing that is used on the eyes... women and their make up crap, The Dimwit thinks this thing looks like some kind of torture device... get one near him and there will be violence... anyways, back to the list...
5) A bag of WEED! Yep, that's right folks, weed. At this point, the drunk Dimwit freaks a little... "Dude, possession is a felony or something..." James retorts: "Relax, it's only a misdemeanor, I think..." Cory wisely takes the baggie of weed and deposits it in his pocket. "Hey I don't smoke it but maybe I can make a few bucks.," Cory says.
At this point there are a couple of scenarios going through my mind:
1) Getting pulled over by the cops and all three of us getting busted for misdemeanor possession.
2) Actually returning the purse to some drug-addict junkie who is packin' heat, finds that her precious baggie of weed is missing, then ending up a bloody corpse, another victim of the mean streets of Houston.
Her phone rings. In a panicked voice the Dimwit answers. On the other end is the most sad, girly voice. She explains that her car was towed and that to get it back she needs her purse, ID and credit card. Thankfully she doesn't need the weed, at least at this point. After dropping off Cory and the weed at his car, James and the Dimwit agree to meet this girl at a VERY public place, the 59 Diner.
When their cab pulls up, the Dimwit stays in the building. More witnesses = less death. There are 4 people total, two couples. The purse girl, Jessica, runs in the doorway... the Dimwit fears for his safety. She unexpectedly and literally jumps and gets the Dimwit with a full bear hug. The Dimwit waits for the feel of a knife or other deadly object. Nothing. At this point, the Dimwit realizes she is REALLY drunk. She starts thanking the Dimwit profusely, relaxes the bear hug of death a bit, then looks the Dimwit right in the eyes, leans in and plants a big kiss, right on the lips. The Dimwit still doesn't really know how to react and before he can say anything, she says "If my boyfriend wasn't here, I'd TOTALLY make out with you right now. You are SO awesome!" The Dimwit's response: "Well, here's your purse." The other couple and the boyfriend come on in after paying the cabbie, and Purse girl then gives James a big hug (but no kiss, HAHA) and repeats her threat/promise that she'd make out with him as well if only her boyfriend wasn't present. Needless to say, he wasn't happy to hear this sentiment. He tried to give James $20 as a "thanks" for all our trouble. But James and the Dimwit refused payment, mainly out of guilt that Cory stole the weed. Their little party then awaited a friend to pick them up, whilst James and the Dimwit got a table and ate some well deserved breakfast at 4am.
That was Saturday night/Sunday morning for the Dimwit. Jessica, if you're out there reading this blog, the Dimwit apologizes profusely but also is adamant that CORY has your baggie and in no way did the Dimwit condone such thievery. The Dimwit tried very hard to get Cory to place the baggie back in the purse and just forget it was there. But then again, a lost baggie of weed is a small price to pay compared to what we COULD have done with your credit card... lesson to be learned: Don't leave your purse on the curb, you never know what might happen to your weed.
So here it goes... The Dimwit was sitting around his house Saturday night watching football, when his roommate James asked if he wanted to go bar-hoping in Rice Village with some buddies of his. With nothing else to do, The Dimwit agreed. We'll fast forward to the end of the evening, as really nothing other than drinking and debauchery occurred between this point and the really fun part of the evening.
At 2am, we were asked to leave Baker Street Pub and as we ambled through the parking lot, James notices a purse sitting on the curb. A drunk fellow exclaims "Some chick left it when she got in a cab." James picks up the purse, and being the good samaritans that we are, start rummaging through it. We'll go through the entire contents of the purse later, but as for now The Dimwit grabbed the phone and, for lack of a better term, started Drunk Dialing. (The Dimwit was a little intoxicated.) After a call to this poor girl's mother, left a voicemail, it was decided that the best plan of action would be to look at the text messages and see who her real friends were. Thus Chris was found. After leaving another fun voicemail, we decided that we probably wouldn't hear from her until morning. Packing up in James' Jeep, we headed back to the Dimwit Domicile. James' friend Cory was in the back seat with the purse, inspecting the contents:
1) Make-up Compact
2) Texas Driver's License - The Dimwit will admit now, she was a looker!
3) Credit Card - Oh we contemplated a shopping spree, but really what is open at 3am that The Dimwit would want to buy? Let's not answer that question...
4) More make-up crap, some kind of clamp type thing that is used on the eyes... women and their make up crap, The Dimwit thinks this thing looks like some kind of torture device... get one near him and there will be violence... anyways, back to the list...
5) A bag of WEED! Yep, that's right folks, weed. At this point, the drunk Dimwit freaks a little... "Dude, possession is a felony or something..." James retorts: "Relax, it's only a misdemeanor, I think..." Cory wisely takes the baggie of weed and deposits it in his pocket. "Hey I don't smoke it but maybe I can make a few bucks.," Cory says.
At this point there are a couple of scenarios going through my mind:
1) Getting pulled over by the cops and all three of us getting busted for misdemeanor possession.
2) Actually returning the purse to some drug-addict junkie who is packin' heat, finds that her precious baggie of weed is missing, then ending up a bloody corpse, another victim of the mean streets of Houston.
Her phone rings. In a panicked voice the Dimwit answers. On the other end is the most sad, girly voice. She explains that her car was towed and that to get it back she needs her purse, ID and credit card. Thankfully she doesn't need the weed, at least at this point. After dropping off Cory and the weed at his car, James and the Dimwit agree to meet this girl at a VERY public place, the 59 Diner.
When their cab pulls up, the Dimwit stays in the building. More witnesses = less death. There are 4 people total, two couples. The purse girl, Jessica, runs in the doorway... the Dimwit fears for his safety. She unexpectedly and literally jumps and gets the Dimwit with a full bear hug. The Dimwit waits for the feel of a knife or other deadly object. Nothing. At this point, the Dimwit realizes she is REALLY drunk. She starts thanking the Dimwit profusely, relaxes the bear hug of death a bit, then looks the Dimwit right in the eyes, leans in and plants a big kiss, right on the lips. The Dimwit still doesn't really know how to react and before he can say anything, she says "If my boyfriend wasn't here, I'd TOTALLY make out with you right now. You are SO awesome!" The Dimwit's response: "Well, here's your purse." The other couple and the boyfriend come on in after paying the cabbie, and Purse girl then gives James a big hug (but no kiss, HAHA) and repeats her threat/promise that she'd make out with him as well if only her boyfriend wasn't present. Needless to say, he wasn't happy to hear this sentiment. He tried to give James $20 as a "thanks" for all our trouble. But James and the Dimwit refused payment, mainly out of guilt that Cory stole the weed. Their little party then awaited a friend to pick them up, whilst James and the Dimwit got a table and ate some well deserved breakfast at 4am.
That was Saturday night/Sunday morning for the Dimwit. Jessica, if you're out there reading this blog, the Dimwit apologizes profusely but also is adamant that CORY has your baggie and in no way did the Dimwit condone such thievery. The Dimwit tried very hard to get Cory to place the baggie back in the purse and just forget it was there. But then again, a lost baggie of weed is a small price to pay compared to what we COULD have done with your credit card... lesson to be learned: Don't leave your purse on the curb, you never know what might happen to your weed.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Thursday makes Wednesday look like a little b*tch...
The Dimwit couldn't be more unexcited about today. It's Thursday, reminding you that you still have another day to work, and that you've already poured three days worth of your soul into a job that you hate. The Dimwit wonders why humanity has put itself in this position. Capitalism? Imperialism? Antidisestablishmentarianism? Is our economic practice of choice leading us to become mindless drones, sitting at desks inside cubicles with no personality or individualism? Oh wait, didn't they used to call that communism? Bah, enough of political/socio-economic hogwash. Same shit, different century. Sure they didn't have cubicles and computers, but they had mindless jobs and stupid bosses. Some things never change...
Before the The Dimwit has an aneurysm... we'll move on to some sort of linkage... He promises nothing, his brain is running on fumes...
1) The Dimwit would get absolutely no work done if he had this on his desk at work.
2) He could say the same thing for these.
3) These are some pretty sweet watches.
4) One of the best SNL Shorts of all time.
5) The Dimwit has always avoided Scranton, PA. Now he knows why...
Have a good day... The Dimwit is going to go to sleep on his keyboard now....
Before the The Dimwit has an aneurysm... we'll move on to some sort of linkage... He promises nothing, his brain is running on fumes...
1) The Dimwit would get absolutely no work done if he had this on his desk at work.
2) He could say the same thing for these.
3) These are some pretty sweet watches.
4) One of the best SNL Shorts of all time.
5) The Dimwit has always avoided Scranton, PA. Now he knows why...
Have a good day... The Dimwit is going to go to sleep on his keyboard now....
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Work Sucks... Then You Die...
Well Dimwit Brigade, the news is not good. The Dimwit is up to his ears in paperwork, thus the bloggage has temporarily stalled again. But there is light on the horizon. This project should be done within the next two weeks, and from then on it should be smooth sailing again. At least until the next project comes in.
So the Dimwit got a new tattoo. It is a tribal type of design in the center of his back. He likes it. Lady J, amongst others, helped pick it out. She got one as well, although there was much more fanfare and general whining when she got hers. haha... She ripped holes the plastic hygienic chair liner. Really, when you're wondering about hygiene issues in a tattoo parlor, is the chair liner really a concern? The Dimwit would much rather them focus on the needles and such that are being plunged into flesh.
Linkage is certified Dolphin Safe... usually...
1) Entire cities, created with poker chips... novel idea...
2) Safety first kids, safety first.
3) If you're THIS stupid, you tend to get what's coming to you...
4) "Look 'dad' (if that's your real name), keep up the crappy Christmas presents, and next time I use a ninja throwing star..."
5) The Dimwit tried this once, but didn't make it out of the driveway... He was drunk too at the time, but that's not the real story here... 6 miles... he made it 6 miles!!!!!!
Regretfully, The Dimwit is acknowledging that American Idol is returning to the airwaves soon. He will be dedicating some time each week to ridicule at least one contestant endlessly. Every year there this is one contestant that grates on his last nerve and this year he plans on releasing the anger before it becomes the preface to an episode of City Confidential on A&E detailing the bloody trail of former musical "talent" that the Dimwit saved this world from having to endure...
Past irritators include Clay Aiken, Sanjaya Malakar, last year's runner up David "Golly Gee, Look At Me I'm an Idiot with an IQ of 7" Archuleta, and current country superstar Carrie Underwood. Sorry to all you country fans who think Carrie Underwood is the Second Coming... but she is horrible. Every song sounds the same and she whines her way through some sappy story, mercifully ending just before The Dimwit drives himself into a telephone pole whether he is actually in a car or not.
Supposedly they are going to focus more on the actual talent during the auditions, rather than showing America all the freaks and weirdos who show up for some reason unknown to the rest of humanity. So, in The Dimwit's humble opinion, the shows should be pretty short, as there is not much talent left in America. And definitely not any talent that The Dimwit feels is necessary to make his idol.
Alright, that's the last mention of American Idol until after the show starts and he finds the target for his inner Anti-Idol rage.
And to Lady J, enjoy your trip to the land down under... where women glow and men plunder...
Have a great day all you Brigadiers.
So the Dimwit got a new tattoo. It is a tribal type of design in the center of his back. He likes it. Lady J, amongst others, helped pick it out. She got one as well, although there was much more fanfare and general whining when she got hers. haha... She ripped holes the plastic hygienic chair liner. Really, when you're wondering about hygiene issues in a tattoo parlor, is the chair liner really a concern? The Dimwit would much rather them focus on the needles and such that are being plunged into flesh.
Linkage is certified Dolphin Safe... usually...
1) Entire cities, created with poker chips... novel idea...
2) Safety first kids, safety first.
3) If you're THIS stupid, you tend to get what's coming to you...
4) "Look 'dad' (if that's your real name), keep up the crappy Christmas presents, and next time I use a ninja throwing star..."
5) The Dimwit tried this once, but didn't make it out of the driveway... He was drunk too at the time, but that's not the real story here... 6 miles... he made it 6 miles!!!!!!
Regretfully, The Dimwit is acknowledging that American Idol is returning to the airwaves soon. He will be dedicating some time each week to ridicule at least one contestant endlessly. Every year there this is one contestant that grates on his last nerve and this year he plans on releasing the anger before it becomes the preface to an episode of City Confidential on A&E detailing the bloody trail of former musical "talent" that the Dimwit saved this world from having to endure...
Past irritators include Clay Aiken, Sanjaya Malakar, last year's runner up David "Golly Gee, Look At Me I'm an Idiot with an IQ of 7" Archuleta, and current country superstar Carrie Underwood. Sorry to all you country fans who think Carrie Underwood is the Second Coming... but she is horrible. Every song sounds the same and she whines her way through some sappy story, mercifully ending just before The Dimwit drives himself into a telephone pole whether he is actually in a car or not.
Supposedly they are going to focus more on the actual talent during the auditions, rather than showing America all the freaks and weirdos who show up for some reason unknown to the rest of humanity. So, in The Dimwit's humble opinion, the shows should be pretty short, as there is not much talent left in America. And definitely not any talent that The Dimwit feels is necessary to make his idol.
Alright, that's the last mention of American Idol until after the show starts and he finds the target for his inner Anti-Idol rage.
And to Lady J, enjoy your trip to the land down under... where women glow and men plunder...
Have a great day all you Brigadiers.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Wednesday... Happy New Year's Eve
The Dimwit wishes all a happy new year. He'll be taking a hiatus until the 5th, so you'll be stuck without him once again for a brief while. Get over it...
The Dimwit talks frequently throughout the day with Lady J using this new-fangled "Yahoo Messenger" which comes in handy, much easier than emailing back and forth you know... Anyways, in their conversation yesterday Lady J was, shall we say, "bored" at work and was eating a cookie. Not just any ordinary cookie, but according to Lady J it was a 1/2 pound Santa cookie. She gave a running play by play of each bite, describing exactly what part of Santa she was eating. Naturally, this led into some rather immature and quite funny remarks referencing Santa's package, and eventual lack thereof. Along with other random and off the wall subject matter, the Dimwit concluded that if an outsider was reading their conversation, they may very well come to the conclusion that they were two "mentally challenged" folks having a wonder banter online.
*The Dimwit selects a fine looking soapbox and steps upon it.*
On a side note, the Dimwit wants to know why "retarded" is no longer PC. If one is to look at the literal definition: To cause to move or proceed slowly; delay or impede... one would see that this is an accurate descriptor for someone whose mental capacities are slowed, delayed or impeded. Now the Dimwit certainly doesn't advocate yelling "Hey, retard!" to get someones attention, but certainly the phrase "mentally retarded" isn't SO inaccurate that it cannot be used for description of someone who is slower mentally than the norm.
*The Dimwit steps down from the soap box and returns to regular blog mode.*
Here is a short excerpt from their latest chat...
The Dimwit: i swear... outside observers would think we're mentally handicapped
Lady J: I sense another blog
Lady J: Santa has a big beard
The Dimwit: hahaha... The Dimwit breaks down Lady J's molestation of Santa...
Lady J: LMAO
Lady J: the red icing tastes funny though
Lady J: it haz spraklez.
The Dimwit: fascinated and easily distracted by flashy objects? check
Lady J: weee!
The Dimwit: random non-linear thought processes? check
Lady J: I lost the remote
Lady J: hrm
The Dimwit: conversation centered around food, bodily functions, and sex? check
Lady J: sex?
Lady J: where?
The Dimwit: fixation on sexual topics? check
Lady J: aw
Lady J: jerk
Lady J: the wikipedia definition of sex is boring
Lady J: it's more about gender
The Dimwit: i'm just going through the "are we mentally retarded?" checklist...
Lady J: oh
Lady J: is there a site for that?
The Dimwit: no, i'm making them up as i go... self-diagnosis and all...
Lady J: oh.
Lady J: darn.
Lady J: now I want to pass out
Lady J: just waitng for the sugar to kick in
The Dimwit: i WANT another cup of coffee... but i'm about to leave in a bit and me high on caffiene and driving = another speeding ticket
Lady J: weeeee!
The Dimwit: YAY!
Lady J: lol
Lady J: there is glitter all over my computer now
Lady J: you know that canned air spray you use to clean keyboards?
Lady J: omg dude
Lady J: it has a taste
Lady J: I cleaned my keyboard, tappetiy tap
Lady J: then went and ate something
Lady J: and this FUNK was on my fingers
The Dimwit: lol... only you Lady J... only you
So, there you go, that's the kind of conversations they have on a daily basis. Alright, enough of this drivel, on to the (play the music) LINKAGE!!!!
1) The Dimwit thinks this may just be the most awesomely worst video he's ever seen. The roommate subjected him to it and The Dimwit is scarred for life. WARNING: Mildly NSFW, contains subject matter not suitable for... well... anyone, but somehow you're still going to click it and watch.
2) Check out the awesome new spacecrafts designed to replace the shuttle.
3) Some pretty cool lamps... the Dimwit digs the one that looks like a big worm with legs...
4) You call that a knife? This is a knife...
5) Another sign the Apocalypse is near...
6) And The Dimwit ends it all with this cool little video...
The Dimwit will see you all next year! Party like it's 2009, baby! Oh YA!!!!
The Dimwit talks frequently throughout the day with Lady J using this new-fangled "Yahoo Messenger" which comes in handy, much easier than emailing back and forth you know... Anyways, in their conversation yesterday Lady J was, shall we say, "bored" at work and was eating a cookie. Not just any ordinary cookie, but according to Lady J it was a 1/2 pound Santa cookie. She gave a running play by play of each bite, describing exactly what part of Santa she was eating. Naturally, this led into some rather immature and quite funny remarks referencing Santa's package, and eventual lack thereof. Along with other random and off the wall subject matter, the Dimwit concluded that if an outsider was reading their conversation, they may very well come to the conclusion that they were two "mentally challenged" folks having a wonder banter online.
*The Dimwit selects a fine looking soapbox and steps upon it.*
On a side note, the Dimwit wants to know why "retarded" is no longer PC. If one is to look at the literal definition: To cause to move or proceed slowly; delay or impede... one would see that this is an accurate descriptor for someone whose mental capacities are slowed, delayed or impeded. Now the Dimwit certainly doesn't advocate yelling "Hey, retard!" to get someones attention, but certainly the phrase "mentally retarded" isn't SO inaccurate that it cannot be used for description of someone who is slower mentally than the norm.
*The Dimwit steps down from the soap box and returns to regular blog mode.*
Here is a short excerpt from their latest chat...
The Dimwit: i swear... outside observers would think we're mentally handicapped
Lady J: I sense another blog
Lady J: Santa has a big beard
The Dimwit: hahaha... The Dimwit breaks down Lady J's molestation of Santa...
Lady J: LMAO
Lady J: the red icing tastes funny though
Lady J: it haz spraklez.
The Dimwit: fascinated and easily distracted by flashy objects? check
Lady J: weee!
The Dimwit: random non-linear thought processes? check
Lady J: I lost the remote
Lady J: hrm
The Dimwit: conversation centered around food, bodily functions, and sex? check
Lady J: sex?
Lady J: where?
The Dimwit: fixation on sexual topics? check
Lady J: aw
Lady J: jerk
Lady J: the wikipedia definition of sex is boring
Lady J: it's more about gender
The Dimwit: i'm just going through the "are we mentally retarded?" checklist...
Lady J: oh
Lady J: is there a site for that?
The Dimwit: no, i'm making them up as i go... self-diagnosis and all...
Lady J: oh.
Lady J: darn.
Lady J: now I want to pass out
Lady J: just waitng for the sugar to kick in
The Dimwit: i WANT another cup of coffee... but i'm about to leave in a bit and me high on caffiene and driving = another speeding ticket
Lady J: weeeee!
The Dimwit: YAY!
Lady J: lol
Lady J: there is glitter all over my computer now
Lady J: you know that canned air spray you use to clean keyboards?
Lady J: omg dude
Lady J: it has a taste
Lady J: I cleaned my keyboard, tappetiy tap
Lady J: then went and ate something
Lady J: and this FUNK was on my fingers
The Dimwit: lol... only you Lady J... only you
So, there you go, that's the kind of conversations they have on a daily basis. Alright, enough of this drivel, on to the (play the music) LINKAGE!!!!
1) The Dimwit thinks this may just be the most awesomely worst video he's ever seen. The roommate subjected him to it and The Dimwit is scarred for life. WARNING: Mildly NSFW, contains subject matter not suitable for... well... anyone, but somehow you're still going to click it and watch.
2) Check out the awesome new spacecrafts designed to replace the shuttle.
3) Some pretty cool lamps... the Dimwit digs the one that looks like a big worm with legs...
4) You call that a knife? This is a knife...
5) Another sign the Apocalypse is near...
6) And The Dimwit ends it all with this cool little video...
The Dimwit will see you all next year! Party like it's 2009, baby! Oh YA!!!!
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